Dear Friends and readers

Welcome to Cancer Weekly No. 13 (I think)

Just a quick update.

My last blood test was good as it showed that the PSA level had not risen over the previous 3 months. This follows several readings that were gradually rising. There’s no definite reason why this has happened but there is a possibility that my immune system is getting the better of the situation.

This was cause for celebration so I’ve taken to drinking too much again. It’s not really that I decided to drink a lot but Christmas got in the way and I am now in New York for a few weeks where it’s hard not to indulge.

I’m staying at the Old Carlton Arms hotel where my Surgical Dreams exhibition is due to open on Friday. There are always artists in this hotel. My friend Heinz is here and he was diagnosed with bladder and prostate cancers at the same time as me. Hugo who runs the place found out he had prostate cancer recently so along with a young writer who is having radiotherapy for breast cancer we have formed a rather jolly Cancer Club that runs mainly on Malbec.

The prosthetic squid was inserted a few months ago and was very uncomfortable. For a long while I assumed the pain was part of the healing process until it started to get worse. Eventually I saw the specialist nurse who agreed with me that the pump was not where it should be. She had a good feel and said there was something wrong and called in the big nob doctor who also had a feel and also said there was something wrong. They weren’t sure if it was an infection and the only way to find out was to “open me up” again. Depending on whether it was infected or not I could expect to have part or all of the apparatus replaced. As it turned out I had to have corrective surgery as the pump part of it, housed in the scrotum, had become stuck to one of my nuts.No wonder it was sore.

The adjustment of the penile device is referred to as ‘salvage replacement’.

After the operation and a couple of days in a hospital bed I was rescued by my friend Ray and whisked off to a pub where we got my system functioning again. It must have been the right thing to do as I felt as if I were floating in the air.

Fotunately all seems well now. It even functions and I am the proud owner of an inflatable nob. Explaining the Titan to friends always brings out the bouncy castle comparisons. In this case, one that children are not welcome to jump on.*

My friend Dr. Batchelor asked if I’d ever fancied men. When I said not he suggested that the good news is that I’d now be able to have sex with men as I could get an erection without any emotional stimulus. Of course a really adventurous recipient of this device could take this theory further and have sex with animals, food and even furniture.

On the brighter side, I do now talk to my dad about it. We also appear to be competitive as he has 3 different cancers which he treats with large infusions of cigarettes, beer, red wine and whisky every evening. So affective is his treatment that he now has to sleep on the ground floor of his house as he can’t get up the stairs. When I told him I had prostate cancer he replied, ” Oh yes, I’ve got that one”

I am now working with my friend Nick to publish an illustrated, book both factual and personal, about my prostate cancer experience so it seems the right time to stop sending these updates particularly as I hope there will not be a lot more to tell in the future. I’ll let you know when the book is available. It will be the perfect gift for the man in your life.

Love and best wishes until next time. Magnus x

PS. I suppose an inflatable nob could be quite a novelty when I get to the old folks’ home.

* Almost wrote something that could get one arrested.