Welcome to Cancer Weekly No. 9.
It seems that the exciting phase of having cancer has passed for now and I am in a watch and wait scenario. This involves having blood tests to measure PSA levels every 3 months. Hopefully, after a year that becomes every 6 months and will continue for as long as I last. It is hoped that the PSA level will not change as a slow rise will suggest that the cancer is still present probably in the ex-prostate site and a more rapid rise that it has metastased to another location. The good news is that the test results last tuesday showed the PSA was still at the undetectable level – 0.01. My appointment to see Dr. Goodnews at the Whittington was changed as he is still ill and I saw the unfortunately named Dr. Dhai. It reminded me of some of my previous visits to this hospital many years ago, due mainly to motorbike accidents, when I noticed parking bays reserved for Dr. De’Ath and Dr. Strange. I now appear to have 3 specialist nurses. They are all very good when you can actually get hold of them and given the amount of patients they see, I am amazed that they can remember who I am (apart from the one who calls me Martin). On a recent visit to the Macmillan Club house one of them sent me to an andrologist (male version of gynaecologist) who referred me to the man I call the Nob doctor who gave me a painful prod in the penis and told me I may have Peyronie’s disease, also known as Induratio Penis Plastica. It is just what it sounds like and results in bent erections which could only be useful for directing tourists. At a subsequent meeting I found that he is actually called the Penis Man by his colleagues – more professional I suppose. 
Penisman referred me to another doctor but once again the referral got lost and I’m now being re-referred to the main consultant andrologist who I assume is called Big Penis Man. He’s the one to see if you want to know about pumps, pills, injections and implants. Meanwhile I’m still maintaining my big, red ears with daily Cialis. Anyway, I’ve decided not to have radiotherapy and have bought a motorbike instead. One of Dr. Badnews’ team says that’ll probably kill me first. I think he’s jealous because his wife won’t let him have one. 
Pelvic floor exercises are coming on a treat and I can now open oysters with my anus.
I hope you are all well and happy – I’m OK. Luv Magno x
For those interested in further uses of the urinary leg-bag there is a very short, instructional video on