23.10.12

Dear Friends and Readers,

Sorry about his edition coming hard on the heels of number 6. If I don’t watch out it may really become a weekly. About as weekly as the Daily Twit is daily.

For those who I’ve not seen recently, the news is that my last blood test gave a PSA reading that was “undetectable”. The actual reading was 0.01. The radio therapist says this gives a 50% chance that the cancer is gone or it is still there in microscopic form. I now need to decide between 7 weeks of radio therapy to kill off remaining cells or the option of monthly monitoring of the PSA level with radio therapy if it starts to rise. The latter sounds a lot better as the side effect of the RT are numerous and some of them rather worrying (including the RT causing further cancers). It also comes with a hefty dose of hormones. However I suppose I’d feel a bit silly if the cancer returns and I hadn’t taken the RT treatment. It’s interesting to note that if it does move to another part of the body it is still prostate cancer. Particularly odd as I no longer have one.

Decisions, decisions! Maybe I should ask a policeman?

For patients who are unsure there is an after-surgery medical trial called RADICALS that randomly puts you in one group or the other. The purpose of the trial is to ascertain which of the 2 options gives better survival rates. Given that prostate cancer is very popular these days there is still a lot that is unknown. I am an ideal subject for this scheme as I am considered a ‘young’ sufferer.

Amongst other trials, I am also signed up for one that explores a genetic link for this type of cancer. On the form I had to give permission for them to use my removed prostate. There is no payment for this desirable item and it has to be classed as a “gift”. Who can imagine a more delightful present?

I also attended a physiotherapy session in the 52 Club on Gower St. It turned out that I was about the youngest person there and one of the few that could walk without assistance. I don’t think the physio helped a great deal but it was good for self-esteem.

Anyway, there may not be a great deal more to say for some time about this whole unusual saga so Cancer Weekly will revert to being a very occasional publication. It looks like the most exciting bit is behind me (at least I hope so) and it’s now a matter of waiting. Even if I choose radio therapy it won’t start until next year.

Thanks for reading and for all your help, support and odd ideas.

Luv Magnus

Cancer Weekly No.7 now available at all irregular newsagents.

Coming soon on the website – Watersports with Captain Magno.

Click on Doggy bag to see video

Doggy bag

Cancer Weekly no. 6                                                                                                       16.10.12

Hello friends and readers,

Many thanks to those who, having not received any recent correspondence, tactfully enquired whether I was dead. Well the latest news is I’m not. In fact I have just returned from taking Louise and my cancer on a trip around Andalucia.

On returning I popped into the club-house for an appointment with the radio therapist, Dr Payne (sounds better spoken than read). My previous meeting was with the surgeon who assured me that he had removed the cancer and could “melt” any free cancer cells with an injection. This didn’t go down well with the radio therapist who said he should stick to surgery. Her plan is to get my current PSA reading and decide whether to go for the 7 weeks’ radio therapy or just watch me. The latter sounds best as the RT is a 7 week course, 5 days per week preceded by 1 month hormones and a couple of years of hormones afterwards. Looks like I may be wearing dresses again.

I was wearing one on the day I had my catheter removed and was whisked off straight from the Whittington hospital to Whitstable for a charming day out courtesy of Dr McNeill. On entering a pub on my own, the whole place went quiet. I offered a loud hello and went outside where a decorator came over and said they didn’t see many men wearing dresses around those parts. I pointed out it was actually a djellaba and showed him what was underneath. We got on rather well from that point chatting over a pint. However, I didn’t tell him I was also wearing a nappy.

I have been working on ways to help fellow sufferers and following the success of designer urinary leg bags I have started work on seaweed wigs and beards for those with chemotherapy side effects. I already have one customer. This Thallophytic service can be offered to non sufferers. The wigs are trés elegant cheap and service is totally discreet.

Dr Davis contacted me concerning the state of one’s genitals after an operation. It seems that dark purple, swollen private parts are not an after-effect confined to prostatectomies. This appears to be common amongst patients recovering from a wide variety of operations and begs the question – what these surgeons do when one is unconscious? I’m wondering if the spirit of Jimmy Saville is still alive in hospitals under a different guise. Mine still ache and cycling and wind-surfing don’t help. Big trousers do.

Once again, thanks to everyone who has sent their support and helpful suggestions. According to some info I have received it seems likely that cancer can be controlled and even cured by smoking cannabis. Not sure if this one cures lung cancer but bowel cancer can be helped by smoking ordinary cigarettes. Taking aspirins also does the job along with flax oil and drinking your own wee wee. Of course, all of these cures have been suppressed by governments under pressure from profitable drug-making companies.

Armed with all my new-found knowledge I feel I could write a learned book on the subject or at least a daft article for the Lancet.

Anyway, I’m still alive and feeling fine. I hope you are.

Luv Magnus x

PS. Following detailed blood tests, my alternative doctor who I call the Witchdoctor discovered I have a high level of cadmium. I assume this is due to years of working with paints and inks. And according to a recent Nano SMT scan I also have raised levels of platinum and gold. If I do kick the bucket the corpse could have a decent scrap metal value. Don’t all rush!